Apartment Hunting in New York

So I finally found an apartment! 202 West Ninth Street, Apartment 2, Brooklyn, NY. I'm really excited about moving in on the 15th and I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my back. But I will miss all of the wonderful craigslist postings that I've lived among for the past few weeks. I've collected some of my favorites, just for you!

I am a female working artist with tight schedule and lot of interest.

Not a whole lot, just a little lot with nothing on it.?!

$100 SPECIAL OFFER FOR WOMEN ONLY (East Village)

I got this idea from an article in Time Out New York that I read a few months ago. I live in a 2 bedroom apartment that I inherited 3 months ago. I live alone in the East Village, and have an empty bedroom and a lot of space-it is a co-op. I am offering the empty room w/private bathroom for only $100 a month. Here is the catch...of course there is a catch. I'm a white 27 year old that works in finance. I work A LOT. My social life has become nonexistent and every woman I date can not deal with my work schedule. I would like a woman to live here. You would occasionally walk around or hang out in your underwear (thong, bra, whatever). It would be harmless and I would not take it any further. I WOULD NEED THE ARRANGEMENT TO BE 100% CONFIDENTIAL.I am looking for a female 18-29 who is pretty, slim, and open minded. If you are interested please send me your pic. It does not have to be a provocative pic. But a body pic would help. I have attached my pics. I know some of you reading this are gasping with disgust. Keep in mind that while you might find this degrading and horrible, there are many people who view this differently. No negative e-mails please. The apartment is huge-on St Marks. The kitchen is big...very bright living area. The room for rent is very big too AND HAS ITS OWN BATHROOM. Thanks

Breakfast at Tiffany's gone horribly, horribly wrong.

$700 Beautiful share offered in Park Slope - available immediately!

A large room with great light on a tree-lined street has suddenly become available and I'm looking to fill it as soon as possible. The view is amazing and you will have access to a gym in the basement and laundry just down the block. I am looking for somebody who will pay the bills on time and is willing to cooperate fully with ongoing police investigation. The only drawback to the room is that there are some minor bloodstains on three of the walls and floor. The room is available furnished with a twin bed and somewhat used carpet if needed. This is a great deal that will not last long, so reply as soon as possible with a little about yourself and with a short paragraph about what you are looking for in a share."

What am I looking for in a share? How about a roommate who at least isn't so open about being a serial killer?

$575 Beautiful, sunny room for academic (East Village)

A apartment of Ph.D candidates and adjunct professors seeks a new roommate to occupy large (12' x 9'), sunny, private room in the East Village. This is a fantastic opportunity for the right person, but you must commit for at least 6 months.
This is a highly intellectual setting, so while a career in academia is not a prerequisite, devotion to original scholarship in the humanities is strongly preferred. We ask that all applicants cut and paste a 2000-5000 word original work in the body of the email. Essays can be on the following topics and should adhere to MLA standards of citation and style:
1. Western intellectual history - origins and polemics
2. Post-colonial theory
3. Social-historical chronology of the color green, as represented in British and American literature
4. Anti-essentialist biology
5. The social construction of post-anarcho-punk subculture
We are looking to fill this space A.S.A.P. We look forward to meeting you.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any more disturbing than living with the murderer or the rapist, the academics came through with flying colors.